but I do not know who and where you are........... <
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You can call me Noi! This blog consists of my thoughts. I am just a simple person with BIG dreams! Like the charcoal, hot pressure and extreme heat must be present in order to create a Diamond. I am in the exact same process.
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Parenting Styles and Its Effects / Sunday, April 30, 2006 @ 5:44 PM
Ok dont worry this is not a mommy blog as I am not a mommy yet. Recent events have forced me to be reminded of my childhood. Ever wonder how you became who you are? Most of how we feel, how we view the world, how we speak, how we feel about others are all the result of our past experiences and how we were taught. This will then greatly affect the type of person we will be as an adult. Of course, if you had a bad childhood, that experience should not be an excuse to your behaviour as an adult.
I only have 1 brother. As a child, I was pretty average, not too naughty, quite quiet. I dont remember doing anything bizarre in my childhood. I also did pretty well in my studies, my parents didnt have to worry much about me. Being the eldest, I was quite independent, didnt need to ask my parents or everything. I remember saving up my money and not eat during recess because there was a book fair coming up and I knew I would want to buy something. People always say that the youngest child will get all the attention. We all know it exist and we all are pretty much aware of it. However what most people fail to realise is that favoritism will affects a child until his/her adulthood. I have always been aware that my brother has always been a favourite with my parents. Its very obvious! I am not being sensitive! Usually both parents will listen to him. Let me give some examples. If he spills a drink, it is an accident. If I spill a drink, I am clumsy. If he sleeps until 12 pm, he is tired from the day before. If I sleep until 12 pm, I am a lazy bum. If he has not start working yet it is because he wants to rest. If I dont start working, I am depending on my parents for money. Do you see a pattern here?
You see, I thought that this act of favoritism will be over once I reached adulthood. Its not! Just now, I just experiece the spilling thing. Its ridiculous! It doesnt matter what I do or accomplish, I will never be the favourite child. Never ever. Nothing I do seems to please anyone in this house. This is how I develop the attitude of not caring about what others think. I cant please everyone. Due to this too, I have build myself up so strong, that I dont allow people to make me feel small and unworthy. I get angry when people treat other people this way too. It should NOT be the way we treat each other as human beings!! I have been treated this way my entire life. There was no appreciation, no congratulation, no 'proud of you', 'great work' sort of thing. I have also been brought up to think that when someone compliments you, they must have motive. It was only recently when I started my own business that I realise that, that is NOT how things work.
As parents in the 80s, there must be lack of awareness and teachings on how to raise a child. Most of the parents will raise their children the way they were brought up, whether they like it or not. Its inevitable. Its in us, its going to be in us for the rest of our life, unless we make a decision to change ourselves. And it wont be easy. Its not that I am complaining, ok I am complaining, but I just dont understand why I am treated this way. There must be a reason. God always has a plan. I can clearly remember so many times, I was treated and punished unfairly. Initially I thought there must be something wrong with my face. It gives out a sign ' I am wrong'. I thought girls are suppose to be the favourite to fathers? How come it didnt happen to me?
Now as a teacher, I dont try to show favouritism. However, there are some students who you will like, a little more than others. I do have some but I dont show it especially in front of other students. I know there will be resentment among them if I start showing favoriticism too. I also realise a few destructible things you can do to a child. The worse part is, some of you might already be doing this.
1. Losing hope in a child
2. Not believing in the child
3. Not bothering about the child
Personally, to me, after years of teaching, after years of communicating with parents plus all their personal problems, I have came up with these 3 as the most destructing thing you can ever do as a child. A child is like a white sheet of cloth, waiting to be painted colourfully by the parents. Not believing in your child is the worst thing you can do to a child's self esteem. I have always believe that children, being pure and all, can sense your true feelings of them whether you make it verbal or not. It is therefore, very hurtful when your parents do not believe that you can achieve something that can make them proud. And the hurt will be with you until adulthood.
Thanks to all the challenges I have gone through as a child, as a teenager, and now as an adult, I have finally understood why God made me go through all these.
For all the times people do not believe in me, I have learn to believe in myself.
For all the times people do not believe what I say, I have learn to speak the truth, through my eyes and mouth.
For all the times I have been treated unfairly by others, I have learn to treat others the way I want to be treated.
For all the times, I was not able to express my feelings people who dont care to listen, I have developed a flair in writing.
And now, thanks to all these valuable lessons that I have learned and skills I have acquired, I have become the adult I have always wanted to be. This was my vision as a child. It has been my secret ambition to be someone who is not afraid to fight for what is right, to speak up when being wronged and to be strong in leading others. I am thankful for that.
I d
o remember being pampered for a while, since I was the first born among cousins, for both mom's and dad's side. But the most memorable one was being pampered by both my beloved grandfathers who treated me like a princess. I was always sitting on their laps, hey were always tbuying sweets for me. I dont remember being scolded by them at all! Unfortunately both my grandfather passed away while I was still young. They both left at around the same time and I just realise that their presence was meant to be temporary for me. Maybe to at least let me have a feel of being important, loved, cared for so I know I will do the same for my future kids.
So being pampered is not such a bad thing after all. Too much of pampering will ultimately spoil the child. Therefore for me, it was just nice. Thank you, your presence will always be remembered........
Ok dont worry this is not a mommy blog as I am not a mommy yet. Recent events have forced me to be reminded of my childhood. Ever wonder how you became who you are? Most of how we feel, how we view the world, how we speak, how we feel about others are all the result of our past experiences and how we were taught. This will then greatly affect the type of person we will be as an adult. Of course, if you had a bad childhood, that experience should not be an excuse to your behaviour as an adult.
I only have 1 brother. As a child, I was pretty average, not too naughty, quite quiet. I dont remember doing anything bizarre in my childhood. I also did pretty well in my studies, my parents didnt have to worry much about me. Being the eldest, I was quite independent, didnt need to ask my parents or everything. I remember saving up my money and not eat during recess because there was a book fair coming up and I knew I would want to buy something. People always say that the youngest child will get all the attention. We all know it exist and we all are pretty much aware of it. However what most people fail to realise is that favoritism will affects a child until his/her adulthood. I have always been aware that my brother has always been a favourite with my parents. Its very obvious! I am not being sensitive! Usually both parents will listen to him. Let me give some examples. If he spills a drink, it is an accident. If I spill a drink, I am clumsy. If he sleeps until 12 pm, he is tired from the day before. If I sleep until 12 pm, I am a lazy bum. If he has not start working yet it is because he wants to rest. If I dont start working, I am depending on my parents for money. Do you see a pattern here?
You see, I thought that this act of favoritism will be over once I reached adulthood. Its not! Just now, I just experiece the spilling thing. Its ridiculous! It doesnt matter what I do or accomplish, I will never be the favourite child. Never ever. Nothing I do seems to please anyone in this house. This is how I develop the attitude of not caring about what others think. I cant please everyone. Due to this too, I have build myself up so strong, that I dont allow people to make me feel small and unworthy. I get angry when people treat other people this way too. It should NOT be the way we treat each other as human beings!! I have been treated this way my entire life. There was no appreciation, no congratulation, no 'proud of you', 'great work' sort of thing. I have also been brought up to think that when someone compliments you, they must have motive. It was only recently when I started my own business that I realise that, that is NOT how things work.
As parents in the 80s, there must be lack of awareness and teachings on how to raise a child. Most of the parents will raise their children the way they were brought up, whether they like it or not. Its inevitable. Its in us, its going to be in us for the rest of our life, unless we make a decision to change ourselves. And it wont be easy. Its not that I am complaining, ok I am complaining, but I just dont understand why I am treated this way. There must be a reason. God always has a plan. I can clearly remember so many times, I was treated and punished unfairly. Initially I thought there must be something wrong with my face. It gives out a sign ' I am wrong'. I thought girls are suppose to be the favourite to fathers? How come it didnt happen to me?
Now as a teacher, I dont try to show favouritism. However, there are some students who you will like, a little more than others. I do have some but I dont show it especially in front of other students. I know there will be resentment among them if I start showing favoriticism too. I also realise a few destructible things you can do to a child. The worse part is, some of you might already be doing this.
1. Losing hope in a child
2. Not believing in the child
3. Not bothering about the child
Personally, to me, after years of teaching, after years of communicating with parents plus all their personal problems, I have came up with these 3 as the most destructing thing you can ever do as a child. A child is like a white sheet of cloth, waiting to be painted colourfully by the parents. Not believing in your child is the worst thing you can do to a child's self esteem. I have always believe that children, being pure and all, can sense your true feelings of them whether you make it verbal or not. It is therefore, very hurtful when your parents do not believe that you can achieve something that can make them proud. And the hurt will be with you until adulthood.
Thanks to all the challenges I have gone through as a child, as a teenager, and now as an adult, I have finally understood why God made me go through all these.
For all the times people do not believe in me, I have learn to believe in myself.
For all the times people do not believe what I say, I have learn to speak the truth, through my eyes and mouth.
For all the times I have been treated unfairly by others, I have learn to treat others the way I want to be treated.
For all the times, I was not able to express my feelings people who dont care to listen, I have developed a flair in writing.
And now, thanks to all these valuable lessons that I have learned and skills I have acquired, I have become the adult I have always wanted to be. This was my vision as a child. It has been my secret ambition to be someone who is not afraid to fight for what is right, to speak up when being wronged and to be strong in leading others. I am thankful for that.
I d
o remember being pampered for a while, since I was the first born among cousins, for both mom's and dad's side. But the most memorable one was being pampered by both my beloved grandfathers who treated me like a princess. I was always sitting on their laps, hey were always tbuying sweets for me. I dont remember being scolded by them at all! Unfortunately both my grandfather passed away while I was still young. They both left at around the same time and I just realise that their presence was meant to be temporary for me. Maybe to at least let me have a feel of being important, loved, cared for so I know I will do the same for my future kids.So being pampered is not such a bad thing after all. Too much of pampering will ultimately spoil the child. Therefore for me, it was just nice. Thank you, your presence will always be remembered........
