but I do not know who and where you are........... <
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You can call me Noi! This blog consists of my thoughts. I am just a simple person with BIG dreams! Like the charcoal, hot pressure and extreme heat must be present in order to create a Diamond. I am in the exact same process.
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Recreating new image / Monday, July 24, 2006 @ 11:19 PM
I am sure most of you have gone through a time when you had to be in a new environment, with new people, doing new things. I am also sure that when you started, it was not easy at all, adjusting is never easy. When you think about it, you actually had the chance to reinvent your image, how you want other people to view you. Your friends in the past are now at another place and they already have an image of you in their mind, whether you like it or not. Now, you are left with the chance to recreate any part of your image that you did not like and change them to something you like.
It is funny because I have been through different schools before, meet new people so many times before, do different things so many times, and somehow I still feel nervous when placed in a new environment now. Having friends from years ago, they have the image of me as the sleeping girl, the blur girl, the quiet but now not so quiet girl, the fierce teacher that will make a student cry or throw that pencil box across the room, the girl who hate beansprouts and leafy vegetables, or anything green for that matter. Its like, I do not have to re introduce myself to so many different people. Everyone is familiar with everyones habits. The familiarity is comfortable.
But now, being in a completely new environment, I am not sure whether I want the same image anymore. Dont worry, I am not having an identity crisis. However, I am sometimes at a loss on how much of myself that I want the others to see. Its not that I am afraid that people will be judgemental, its just that the feeling of wanting to fit in with the rest comes back from my teenage years. This feeling sucks as far as I can remember and I do worry but my heart tells me to just be myself.
I am thankful that for the past month, I was teamed with cool people like Vivian, Aishah and Fida. Last Thursday provided me with the opportunity of meeting some more of my future classmates and they are wonderful to know. We are all still in the beginnning stage and obviously we still do not know each other that well yet. Seriously, I really feel like its the first day of school again, the thumping heartbeat, the getting lost in a big school, the shock to see the high stairs, the urgent need to familiar oneself with the location of the toilets, the first impression you have with the lecturer....its uncertainty. And this same uncertainty worries me, I do not like to NOT know where I am going.
Another thing bothering me is that, the group of people I met mostly are all younger than me, usually 2, 3 and sometimes 4 years. I remember when I was 21, I certainly did not think like how I do now!I was stupid at 21! I know its only a few years but it does worry me a little. Dont get me wrong, I dont hate it, its a breath of fresh air not meeting people who complain about their job.
Recently, we had to complete a mini project for this attachment. We were required to do powerpoint slides. You have to understand that I have not done powerpoint slides in 4 years so I am a little rusty in that department. Thankfully Fida, our IT expert came in and did a fantastic job on the slides. I did arrange and contributed some of the content of the slides, which is great as I think I am ok in that department. But something said by one of the girls got me thinking. We were discussing who should present the last part, which covers the possible ways for teachers to help their students. Fida suggested that I do it since I was expert at this.
I am not sure how to react.
One part of me is honoured and thankful that she has the confidence in me to do it. Another part of me was a little unsure whether being an 'expert' is a good thing. Even though, I am no expert, 4 years of experience working with kids, does help me understand kids better. Sometimes being teachers, we have this tendency to correct every little thing that our student do wrong. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not a teacher now, as SNO, my responsibilities and priorities have changed. I am still learning to change, I am not perfect.
So now I am not sure what I should do when I see something being done incorrectly. I hope I did not come off as arrogant or aloof when I do correct the little mistakes. Its not that this happen often, but it has happen before and I just want to know how exactly I should act at these times.
I certainly hope to go back to zero and start at square one. This little and humble experience of mine can be an advantage and a disadvantage at the same time. I shall see how things go, hopefully it will be better and I will not be so confuse.
And hopefully by that time, I would have already figure out what kind of image of myself I shall potray for the new world to see and experience.
Meanwhile, let me present to you, the faces, that I have recently fall in love with.
Arent these faces so angellic? How not to love them?
I am sure most of you have gone through a time when you had to be in a new environment, with new people, doing new things. I am also sure that when you started, it was not easy at all, adjusting is never easy. When you think about it, you actually had the chance to reinvent your image, how you want other people to view you. Your friends in the past are now at another place and they already have an image of you in their mind, whether you like it or not. Now, you are left with the chance to recreate any part of your image that you did not like and change them to something you like.
It is funny because I have been through different schools before, meet new people so many times before, do different things so many times, and somehow I still feel nervous when placed in a new environment now. Having friends from years ago, they have the image of me as the sleeping girl, the blur girl, the quiet but now not so quiet girl, the fierce teacher that will make a student cry or throw that pencil box across the room, the girl who hate beansprouts and leafy vegetables, or anything green for that matter. Its like, I do not have to re introduce myself to so many different people. Everyone is familiar with everyones habits. The familiarity is comfortable.
But now, being in a completely new environment, I am not sure whether I want the same image anymore. Dont worry, I am not having an identity crisis. However, I am sometimes at a loss on how much of myself that I want the others to see. Its not that I am afraid that people will be judgemental, its just that the feeling of wanting to fit in with the rest comes back from my teenage years. This feeling sucks as far as I can remember and I do worry but my heart tells me to just be myself.
I am thankful that for the past month, I was teamed with cool people like Vivian, Aishah and Fida. Last Thursday provided me with the opportunity of meeting some more of my future classmates and they are wonderful to know. We are all still in the beginnning stage and obviously we still do not know each other that well yet. Seriously, I really feel like its the first day of school again, the thumping heartbeat, the getting lost in a big school, the shock to see the high stairs, the urgent need to familiar oneself with the location of the toilets, the first impression you have with the lecturer....its uncertainty. And this same uncertainty worries me, I do not like to NOT know where I am going.
Another thing bothering me is that, the group of people I met mostly are all younger than me, usually 2, 3 and sometimes 4 years. I remember when I was 21, I certainly did not think like how I do now!I was stupid at 21! I know its only a few years but it does worry me a little. Dont get me wrong, I dont hate it, its a breath of fresh air not meeting people who complain about their job.
Recently, we had to complete a mini project for this attachment. We were required to do powerpoint slides. You have to understand that I have not done powerpoint slides in 4 years so I am a little rusty in that department. Thankfully Fida, our IT expert came in and did a fantastic job on the slides. I did arrange and contributed some of the content of the slides, which is great as I think I am ok in that department. But something said by one of the girls got me thinking. We were discussing who should present the last part, which covers the possible ways for teachers to help their students. Fida suggested that I do it since I was expert at this.
I am not sure how to react.
One part of me is honoured and thankful that she has the confidence in me to do it. Another part of me was a little unsure whether being an 'expert' is a good thing. Even though, I am no expert, 4 years of experience working with kids, does help me understand kids better. Sometimes being teachers, we have this tendency to correct every little thing that our student do wrong. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not a teacher now, as SNO, my responsibilities and priorities have changed. I am still learning to change, I am not perfect.
So now I am not sure what I should do when I see something being done incorrectly. I hope I did not come off as arrogant or aloof when I do correct the little mistakes. Its not that this happen often, but it has happen before and I just want to know how exactly I should act at these times.
I certainly hope to go back to zero and start at square one. This little and humble experience of mine can be an advantage and a disadvantage at the same time. I shall see how things go, hopefully it will be better and I will not be so confuse.
And hopefully by that time, I would have already figure out what kind of image of myself I shall potray for the new world to see and experience.
Meanwhile, let me present to you, the faces, that I have recently fall in love with.
Arent these faces so angellic? How not to love them?
