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You can call me Noi! This blog consists of my thoughts. I am just a simple person with BIG dreams! Like the charcoal, hot pressure and extreme heat must be present in order to create a Diamond. I am in the exact same process.
4th in line / Knowing what you want, when you want it / Eid Mubarak / Holidays! Yay! / Crystal Clear / Embarrased! / The one that drives / Greatest success in the world / Umbrella / The thousandth man /
Temporary stumbling block / Monday, October 13, 2008 @ 7:12 PM
I just came back from my driving lesson and I desperately need to write in here before I go insane. So as usual today I was from work and it is actually such a long walk from the bus stop to the centre. From the centre to my place, it was a 20 minutes walk. It was not that near! So I was told by my instructor that I should postpone my test date to February instead of the scheduled next month. Reason being- I am not ready. It is really crazy to learn and crash the course to pass the test. Driving is for life and it is not for passing one test. While he was sharing, I shared his exact sentiments and I think he could sense that I was stressed and annoyed with myself for not getting some things right.
So I agreed to do just that and it was for my own good anyway. I was reflecting back on how I ended up being in this rushed position. It was my family, my parents especially who kept rushing me to go get the license. I had my life all planned out and I was going to take the license- when it was the right time. BUT they had to go and get the car earlier than expected, and than I am suddenly expected to have a license. It was ridiculous and I really hate making decisions based on others reasons, not mine. Sooooooooooo to please them, I went anyway, resulting in me failing the BTT annd FTT once. I was not in the right mind and actually I did not really want to take it so I did not really study it. There was no desire and of course it was a drag. Therefore, my subconcious mind did not work towards me passing the test. I ended up feeling stressed and feeling like a total failure.
And finally after passing the theories, came the rush to book for the practical test. I was wondering why I was booking the test date when I have not even started any lesson at all. So ended up I had 2 months to pass the test and it was rush rush rush. Furthermore with my already hectic shedule, scheduling lessons is an added challenge especially when I know that I need to do a lot of work before FED, the major function of the year.
So the moral of the story is, never make decisions based on other's reasons. In the history of bad decisions, I never ever regretted making a stupid mistake due to my own stupidity, but I always always regretted listening to the wrong people. I am suppose to be doing things for me, not for them. I have always maintain my clarity, all my major decisions, including choosing type of specialisation, type of job, starting a business, continuing building the business, it was all my own decision. It was 100% my decisions and I have never blamed myself because I feel I know me best and I make the best decision for me. While people we are related to, may have our best interest in their hearts, they may not necessarily know us, know what we want, to understand us enough to make decisions for us.
Even when they are our own parents, they might be the worst advice givers ever. It takes effort and understanding to see things from a different perspective and this effort is just not there. Sadly.
Therefore, I am really so annoyed with myself for following them blindly. I know what I want and I will get it in my own time. Not theirs. As you probably know, the more you ask me to do something, the more I will not do it. I need space, to move around at my own pace. I can tell you for sure, that my actions will only give them another chance to criticise me. There is always something to criticise on and frankly I just cannot be bothered anymore. I have listened to not a single word of praise in all my years growing up and to repair my self esteem and unlearn all the negative hearings I hear was not easy at all. God, give me strength to remain strong through this minor adversity, for I am in the midst of achieving something great and I need all the focus, the encouragement I can have.
So there you go, I will be postponing my test date to Feb next year and I know that by then, I am sure to pass because I need to learn in a calm environment to master it. I will master it.
I am actually relieved now, so I can focus on getting my eagleship done by this week. A little bit more to go, I need to remain strong and calm and this time, no more tearing during recognition. I just wanted to welcome our newest team mate, Herwan, who I must say, a spitting image of Fir just a few years ago. Almost same personality, same way to talking, well mannered, quiet but fired up. We are truly growing.
FED in 4 days, excitement excitement!
Btw, please click on the link below and vote for this artwork. This artist is one of my cousin's students. Once you have clicked it, check your email and confirm it ok.
http://www.jet4arts.com/kidsbiennale/details.asp?id=191
Have a great week ahead!
Temporary stumbling block
I just came back from my driving lesson and I desperately need to write in here before I go insane. So as usual today I was from work and it is actually such a long walk from the bus stop to the centre. From the centre to my place, it was a 20 minutes walk. It was not that near! So I was told by my instructor that I should postpone my test date to February instead of the scheduled next month. Reason being- I am not ready. It is really crazy to learn and crash the course to pass the test. Driving is for life and it is not for passing one test. While he was sharing, I shared his exact sentiments and I think he could sense that I was stressed and annoyed with myself for not getting some things right.
So I agreed to do just that and it was for my own good anyway. I was reflecting back on how I ended up being in this rushed position. It was my family, my parents especially who kept rushing me to go get the license. I had my life all planned out and I was going to take the license- when it was the right time. BUT they had to go and get the car earlier than expected, and than I am suddenly expected to have a license. It was ridiculous and I really hate making decisions based on others reasons, not mine. Sooooooooooo to please them, I went anyway, resulting in me failing the BTT annd FTT once. I was not in the right mind and actually I did not really want to take it so I did not really study it. There was no desire and of course it was a drag. Therefore, my subconcious mind did not work towards me passing the test. I ended up feeling stressed and feeling like a total failure.
And finally after passing the theories, came the rush to book for the practical test. I was wondering why I was booking the test date when I have not even started any lesson at all. So ended up I had 2 months to pass the test and it was rush rush rush. Furthermore with my already hectic shedule, scheduling lessons is an added challenge especially when I know that I need to do a lot of work before FED, the major function of the year.
So the moral of the story is, never make decisions based on other's reasons. In the history of bad decisions, I never ever regretted making a stupid mistake due to my own stupidity, but I always always regretted listening to the wrong people. I am suppose to be doing things for me, not for them. I have always maintain my clarity, all my major decisions, including choosing type of specialisation, type of job, starting a business, continuing building the business, it was all my own decision. It was 100% my decisions and I have never blamed myself because I feel I know me best and I make the best decision for me. While people we are related to, may have our best interest in their hearts, they may not necessarily know us, know what we want, to understand us enough to make decisions for us.
Even when they are our own parents, they might be the worst advice givers ever. It takes effort and understanding to see things from a different perspective and this effort is just not there. Sadly.
Therefore, I am really so annoyed with myself for following them blindly. I know what I want and I will get it in my own time. Not theirs. As you probably know, the more you ask me to do something, the more I will not do it. I need space, to move around at my own pace. I can tell you for sure, that my actions will only give them another chance to criticise me. There is always something to criticise on and frankly I just cannot be bothered anymore. I have listened to not a single word of praise in all my years growing up and to repair my self esteem and unlearn all the negative hearings I hear was not easy at all. God, give me strength to remain strong through this minor adversity, for I am in the midst of achieving something great and I need all the focus, the encouragement I can have.
So there you go, I will be postponing my test date to Feb next year and I know that by then, I am sure to pass because I need to learn in a calm environment to master it. I will master it.
I am actually relieved now, so I can focus on getting my eagleship done by this week. A little bit more to go, I need to remain strong and calm and this time, no more tearing during recognition. I just wanted to welcome our newest team mate, Herwan, who I must say, a spitting image of Fir just a few years ago. Almost same personality, same way to talking, well mannered, quiet but fired up. We are truly growing.
FED in 4 days, excitement excitement!
Btw, please click on the link below and vote for this artwork. This artist is one of my cousin's students. Once you have clicked it, check your email and confirm it ok.
http://www.jet4arts.com/kidsbiennale/details.asp?id=191
Have a great week ahead!
